Deja vu, La Traviata

Last week after I returned from my vacation, the orchestra played La Traviata for the second time, and it brought back a whole slew of memories from my very first experiences with the orchestra. When I first came to Sarajevo in September, we started working straight away within 48 hours of our arrival. I was dealing with jet lag, culture shock, and nerves. Rehearsal seemed to fly by in a haze as I was sleep-deprived and unable to understand anything the conductor said. I remember being so conscious of playing every single note clearly, softly, and perfectly in time with my colleagues. I also remember being disappointed in myself when I would lose focus and play something below my standards. I was quite surprised by the fact that people in the orchestra would sing along with the soloists during their favorite arias. I thought that it was adorable that my bassoon colleague would swivel his spinning chair to play a duet with the principal clarinet. He was the one who told me where to start, and I was always so nervous of miscounting or misreading the cuts in our messy parts.

By now, I have transformed into a confident Bosnian musician. I worry much less about playing things perfectly during a performance and concentrate on having fun like my colleagues do. During this rehearsal/performance cycle I even caught myself humming several of my favorite arias. I no longer get tense during woodwind chorales but play the bass line at a comfortable dynamic. If I play too softly in La Traviata, nobody will hear me since the bassoons are too far back in the pit. I was also more comfortable during this performance because I was used to pit's size. It would be a bad place for someone with claustrophobia, especially in the back row. I have developed a nice system for making my little bassoon nest within such small confines though.

I think the difference that struck me the most between my first performance and now is how much more I can understand. I no longer need Edo to translate for the conductor and tell me where we are starting. I can generally understand when the conductor is asking for something from the orchestra, like playing softer. I understand when they say how long the breaks are or remind us what time our next rehearsal is. It feels nice to no longer depend on other people for the basics of a musician's life.